Relationships are a key aspect of our lives. As a social species, humans have an inherent desire to belong – to form bonds with others and work together to fulfil our needs and achieve our aims. Research states that close relationships can help to protect against the adverse effects of stress. In response to social contact, the brain releases oxytocin, a hormone connected to trustworthiness and motivation to help others1.
In the workplace, good relationships can result in better performance, improved safety outcomes and lower staff turnover and absenteeism2. When workplace relationships are cooperative, trusting and fair, the reward centre of the brain is activated, encouraging colleagues to trust and respect, have confidence and believe the best in each other and inspire each other in their performance3.
As we spend so much of our time at work, the quality of the relationships we experience in the workplace can make or break a job. A strong sense of belonging and healthy relationships with our colleagues helps us to feel happier in our work, more committed to our organisation and better resourced to overcome challenges.
So how can we build strong, healthy relationships with others in our workplace? Relationships with co-workers need not be full-on friendships, but they do need to be cooperative and trusting. In a high-pressured professional setting such as veterinary practice, we need to be able to rely on our colleagues, to have trust and confidence in them – not just in their professional competency, but also in their personal qualities.
Authenticity
Trust is a key part of relationships. For others to be able to trust us, we need to be authentic: showing that our behaviours are aligned with our self-concept and congruent with the values we hold.
If someone’s behaviour seems false or out of step with their words, we can feel uneasy or concerned they have a hidden agenda. Our brains are great at collecting and processing information to make sense of the world and keep us safe, and much of this process is subconscious. We might say “I had a bad feeling about them,” even if we couldn’t put our finger on what was causing the suspicion. This ‘gut instinct’ is based on patterns we recognise from past experiences, and we are alert to signals of dissonance, which creates feelings of uncertainty or distrust.
When we consistently demonstrate our values, behave with integrity and ‘walk our talk’, others feel more assured that this is our true personality and not a mask put on for others or a behaviour designed to manipulate. This helps them to gain confidence in their interactions with us and feel able to trust and rely on us.
Responding to emotions
When working with other people, we need to have an understanding of what they may be feeling and how they are likely to react. If we can make good predictions about others’ likely responses, it informs better decisions about how we interact and leads to better outcomes for our team. We also need to have awareness of how our own feelings may affect our behaviour and be able to manage them constructively.
For example, even while we may be eager to immerse ourselves in our own work, being aware that a colleague feels anxious about undertaking a task, we could offer support rather than leaving them to complete it alone. If we help them achieve a successful outcome, it will increase their confidence and mean less support is required another time.
Conversely, if we know a colleague is confident and highly capable, we can avoid causing resentment and frustration by micro-managing, even though we may be itching to get involved or anxious to ensure everything goes right.
Emotional intelligence is “an ability to recognise, understand and manage our own emotions, and recognise, understand and influence the emotions of others” (Goleman, 2005). This ability to express and manage emotions is essential, and so is the ability to understand, interpret, and respond to the emotions of others.
Being able to identify and respond appropriately to both our own emotions and those of others, helps us to behave in ways that support positive relationships and are beneficial to our work. It helps us to be able to accept responsibility and criticism, move on after we have made a mistake, show empathy for others, assert ourselves when appropriate, share our feelings in constructive ways and come up with solutions that work for everyone. It also allows us to understand why we do what we do, and helps prevent us being judgemental of others.
Olivia Oginska, vet, coach and positive psychology practitioner, says: “Emotional intelligence makes us curious and observant, rather than dependent and controlled by our unresolved emotions and underlying convictions.”
“Emotional intelligence can be expanded at any point of life, regardless of one’s age, education and industry, which means it has powerful potential among veterinary professionals.”4
One good turn deserves another
Reciprocity is a mutually beneficial exchange of support: if someone does something nice for us, we are motivated to reciprocate and do something nice for them in return. It is more than just a sense of obligation and is also about social influence. Someone’s kind act inspires and encourages us to do the same, and we feel good when we have done something positive for someone else.
This act of giving and receiving is one of the cornerstones of human social bonding, encouraging us to utilise empathy and positive intentions to cooperate and support each other. Phrases like “one good turn deserves another” and “there needs to be give and take” comment on the need for reciprocity in our relationships. Helping others often leads to more benefits than losses, so it is an adaptive behaviour. This social norm is utilised in marketing, when the offer of a ‘free gift’ elicits a positive response resulting in more sales or increased customer loyalty, even though we realise the offer is being made for economic gain.
‘Paying it forward’ is also a type of reciprocity: someone helps us, and in our gratitude, we help a third person, ‘paying forward’ the good deed. We can also be motivated by ‘reputational reward’, when we desire to be seen as helpful or proficient. Both sorts of reciprocity are a ‘win-win’ – we benefit, and our colleagues also benefit.
In the workplace, the law of reciprocity means that our colleagues are likely to treat us the way we treat them, so if we behave positively towards others, they are likely to treat us positively, and we are likely to build positive relationships. Reciprocity helps to create a culture of trust and develops motivation and engagement amongst a team. It also helps to build a sense of belonging – and it feels good – it helps us to feel happy amongst our colleagues.
Lifting each other up
When we are inspired, we are energised and motivated to perform at our highest level. We are often inspired by people who exemplify the qualities we would like to have, and when we are encouraged by others, the positivity tends to spread to those around us.
Being inspired by our colleagues and inspiring them in turn can fuel good workplace relationships. Encouraging each other builds confidence and self-worth. If we can share enthusiasm and passion, it energises and motivates others close to us to embrace the same attitude. Maintaining a positive attitude in the face of challenges can inspire hope while enduring difficult circumstances, and standing our ground in the face of moral or ethical challenge can offer an increased sense of stability, continuity and security to our relationships.
When someone sees the best in us, it inspires us to become better, and when others acknowledge and celebrate our strengths, we feel valued and respected. When we lift each other up, we inspire the best versions of ourselves – so maintaining positive perceptions of our colleagues helps to strengthen our relationships, and aid our performance as a team.
Nurturing ourselves and each other
An important aspect in building positive relationships with others is paying attention to our own self-care. In an environment as challenging as veterinary practice, if we are feeling depleted and out of balance, we have fewer resources available for caring for our patients, and less still for maintaining and nurturing our relationships with others.
The good news is that positive workplace relationships contribute towards our wellbeing, and can be an important source of support. High quality relationships in the workplace can be protective against burnout and mental health challenges.5
When we feel we belong, and have confidence and trust in our colleagues, we are more able to ask for help and share our feelings, knowing that we will be respected and listened to. Supportive colleagues can also help us with practical problem solving to lessen stressors and improve conditions, and to enable tools such as debriefing.
Demonstrating good self-care also contributes towards creating and maintaining a healthy culture within the team, where colleagues support each other to ensure they take can breaks, stay hydrated, eat regularly and have the time and support to reflect and recover their equilibrium after a challenge.
Actively seeking to develop and maintain positive relationships with our colleagues through cultivating their trust and confidence, being emotionally responsive, encouraging and supportive is beneficial to our health and wellbeing, performance and job satisfaction. Everyone benefits from good relationships, including our clients and patients. As Zig Ziglar said, “Part of your purpose in life is to build strong and fruitful relationships with others, and your work setting is a perfect place to start.”
References:
1Gable, S. L., & Gosnell, C. L. (2011). The positive side of close relationships. In K. M. Sheldon, T. B., Kashdan, & M. F. Steger (Eds.), Designing positive psychology: Taking stock and moving forward (pp. 265–279). Oxford University Press.
2Gallup. (2015). State of the global workforce [Report]. Retrieved from https://www.gallup.com/workplace/238079/state-global-workplace-2017.aspx
3Geue, P. E., (2017). Positive practices in the workplace: Impact on team climate, work engagement, and task performance. Emerging Leadership Journeys, 10, 70–99.
4Oginska, O. (2022) Be kind: A most difficult request? Vet Times, 22.12,13-15 https://www.vettimes.co.uk/article/be-kind-a-most-difficult-request-cpdteams/
5Fernet,C., Gagne, M., Austin, S. (2010) When does quality of relationships with coworkers predict burnout over time? The moderating role of work motivation. Journal of Organizational Behavior, 31, 1163–1180
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One response to “Building Great Workplace Relationships”
[…] Even though you’re likely to be very busy in your first months as a new practice, take time to establish routines that enable good communication and offer opportunities for connection and learning. Your team will be happier and all the more productive in a healthy workplace. […]